Sometimes she just needs you more than anything in the world..

when she stops giggling…
when she stops smiling…
when she stops holding your hands…
when she stops calling your name…
there must be something wrong, she needs you to find and fix it

when she starts crying…
when she rejects all the things you do…
when she starts crying even harder…
she needs you to hold her hands, even she refuses to hold back, or even to be touched at all…
she wants to look tough, even she knows, you know, that she’s just not

she could be a real pain in the ass…
she could be a real jerk…
she could be someone you don’t know at all…
just because you don’t do something she wants, even when you think you do…
it’s just a proof how important you are for her, how important you be there with her

forgive her, she just doesn’t know what to do
she just doesn’t realize all the things you sacrifice for her
talk to her, even she doesn’t talk back to you
open her eyes, be strong, and hold her hands no matter what
that’s what she wants you to do
because sometimes, she just needs you more than anything in the world…

Adi Nugraha Setiadi <3

there you are, posing because we were trying the new I-Pad 😀 don’t really like this pic because you knew I was taking picture of you, love your candid pics! and you know, love that new glasses! ❤

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hihihi I really love this picture of you, you know, that’s your very natural expression, love it! and, that’s the old glasses, where’s it now?

my beloved sleepyhead-boy :*

hey, boy, how could you sleep with me sitting next to you?

there you were, talking and I took a pic of you :p

we were at Djowitan. haven’t been there for a looooong time since my diet routine hihi. I miss them, milkshake and sweetcorn :9

mas ganteeeeng *.*

again, I took this picture and you didn’t know, see, it came out good lol. hey, boy, I love your nose :p

you know, I wanna take a lot candid pictures of you, but since I’m a very suck photographer, gimme some time to learn.

LOVEYOU!

Adi Wulan #2

sadly, we continued arguing, not really arguing bcz he couldn’t say anything. at that moment I knew, he didn’t say a word not bcz he didn’t want to but he couldn’t. but I let my ego won, I knew but acted like I didn’t.

he moved, he did it to calm down himself. I waited, not patient enough to wait that long, I walked away. he followed, grabbed my hand. I said to him to let go -this isn’t like I wanna make this dramatical lol but this is what happened-, and I asked, “You wanna tell me or not?”, it was like he swallowed his own tongue to just say “Yes.” he continued, “Please help where I’ve gotta start.” I replied, “How would I know! that’s your own life, not mine!” and I went back. second later I was really regretting that, it was so mean, the way I answered. I held myself not to cry bcz I heard my own voice when I said that word. he was trying so hard to make this all okay. but..

we sat, but again, he was silence. I waited, waited, waited. I said, “What do you wanna tell me?” he was talking sentence by sentence, and quiet, than continued sometimes word by word, and quiet again, that moment was going on for the next couple minutes.

and again, I was holding my self not to cry, but I lost. I cried, grabbed his face and whispered that I knew he was trying, thank you, hugged him, and let it go.

I really love him, really do. no matter what she said about ‘mine’ and ‘her’, what I know for sure is that I’m with him now. he’s with me. nothing to worry about 🙂

Adi Wulan :)

hey, my dearest blog! long time no see you -your page-, missed you 😉 you know, lots of things happens to me, includes these past four days. I wanna tell you everything but this thing is the one I really wanna share. well, here we go!

I found something that hit me so hard. oh no, no that hard but hard enough for me to realize something. I read a message, it was about a girl who had a crush or still have a crush -I don’t know, I don’t wanna know, anymore- for my man. i was surprised, how could she say such a thing. it said,

“Nd I remembering my past feeling because I read your girl’s blog. but maybe ‘mine’ is bigger than ‘her’.”

HOLY SHIT! I remember every single word of that message bcz that message really made my angry. how come she said something like that, what does she know about me? hah? has ever even seen me?

well, at first I wasn’t that angry bcz I didn’t know what it meant. here’s something that made me really really mad. I asked him, “what does she mean with that msg?” and he answered, easily, “Don’t know.” for 2 seconds my brain was working so hard then I found those issues made sense. well, someone said to me once, “There was a girl who had a crush, really had a cruh to your man. I don’t know why he didn’t wanna make that relationship. I mean, that girl was good enough.” so, after 2 seconds I said, “Is she the girl ***** was talking about?” and again, he answered really easily, “Yes.” SHIT! again.. from that moment on, I kept silent. I was angry, I really was.

what I couldn’t understand was, why should he keep this for so long? why even he should keep it? I mean, if it’s not a big deal, why didn’t he tell me? the thing is that was not the first time we’re talking about that girl. I was hoping he could explain to me right away so that I wouldn’t get it wrong. but.. that’s him, he didn’t say a word.

he knew, his silence wasn’t going to make anything any easier. it was only get worse. for both of us.

it wasn’t get any better, till the next couple hours.

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that was some kind of stupid questions, really. I knew it was gonna hurt me, doesn’t matter how I was holding on, it was still, hurting me. honestly, I wasn’t mad, I’m not even mad right now, it’s just feeling weird, you know, like sad, like feeling lost something precious, like I’m not gonna be able to hold on.

everybody has their own past. no matter what it was, but it was the past. they said, the past is the past, what the most important is now, and of course, tomorrow. and, what I’m trying to say here is everybody has their past in relationship. it’s some kind of open secret you know, what they did, been doing, and do in their relationship. yeah, that’s my point.

“Just let it go!”. I keep saying that to my self. been trying since last night before I was off to sleep. but this morning when I woke up, I was still there, the picture. that picture in my mind just doesn’t want to go away. it just keeps hanging in front of my face. and even worse, I started to feel nothing.

God, please help me..

Lie

hi, it’s me again! 😀

hmm, sometimes I just wondering to this question, “Why do people lie?. of course we lie for so many reasons, no matter good or bad reasons, we do lie. and actually I’ve been searching this topic for my speech tomorrow, examination for sure. why else do I have to give some speech? lol -oh no, I’m hoping I can give speech to many people someday, if I become someone important enough to be listened- ah, never mind.

okay, well, from the sources that I’ve got, people learn to lie since they were a kid, 5 years old, more or less. children lie to get what they want or just afraid of their parents’ anger. but then, since they’re growing bigger and bigger, the reasons for why they lie is also getting bigger. and why do I care about this topic?

because it’s absolutely happening to me

being here, in Pare, Kediri, is the biggest lie of the year. so, here’s the story.. one day, my friend texted me and asked me to go to Pare. she said it was holiday so we could make this holiday to be useful. and hell yeah, I said yes. I didn’t wanna spend my 30 days by drooling on my bed.

and, that stupid ideas crossed on my mind.

What if I go to Bandung first then go to Pare?”

“Oh no, wait, I think I’m gonna go to Bandung, and then Bekasi, and then Pare.”

yeah, right, I made the decision. just like I just wrote above. what makes me think that my decision is stupid? because I’ve never been alone in my entire life. I’ve never gotten myself into a train alone. and this is two trains which took me across the Java Island what I’m talking about.

so what makes me think lying is the way out? because my parents will never ever ever let me go anywhere by myself.

so, today, is the worst day in this last 2 weeks. bad things has started happening when I got my stomachache. it was hurt like hell. and the next day my head was attacked. it was like someone beating me with a damn hammer. it lasted 2 days. what a day!

and this morning I couldn’t wake up because my head and stomach was killing me. the worse thing was I couldn’t sleep till Shubuh. why? the same reason why I couldn’t wake up. when my body was getting friendly with me, a friend called me that she was called by my mom. I was thrilled. what’s going on? at that moment, my stomachache was coming back.

damn, this is the worst part.

I called my sister and crying, never stop asking what’s really going on? was my parents mad at me? was I being grounded? and yeah, finally my father called me. again, I was crying even worse. I admitted to him what I’ve done. I said why did I lie to them. and guess what? he was surprised. Geez, I know he was just pretending. and I know, parents can’t  be lied by their children forever. I always know. so why I still do that? I don’t know.

P A R E :)

hi my dearest blog, kinda missed you! :*

I’ve been doing a stupid decision again lol. I decided to go to Bandung, Bekasi, and Kediri. all alone. going to all those cities is like crossing the Java Island haha. and this is my first trip without my parents come along with me. also my longest time for not coming home 🙂

my dear parents, do you miss me?

hmm, I remember my first thought when I just arrived here. “Geez, nobody’s here, I’ll be alone.” yeah,  I was. but then the next days, one by one, they’re coming. they’re coming with their friends, I’m the only one who’s coming all alone. but that doesn’t matter at all. they’re all kind and friendly 🙂

I realized, being alone is not always bad. because I’m alone, I can join with whoever they are, I mean I’m not stuck with my friends -if only I got one with me-. that’s a good thing, I guess.

but again, I was disappointed. all the programs they offered to me wasn’t what I wanted at the first place. but yeah, willy nilly, I took them. here I met the most phenomenal programs.

and here we go, Sound Structure I and II.

these programs opened my eyes about how important (and even to say this word I had to practice till I got sore in my mouth) the pronounciation is. and yeah, I think these programs were the best programs I ever took 🙂

not to be forgotten, thanks to you Mr. Kholis 🙂

and afterall, I don’t regret my stupid decision for being here all alone, I got what I wanted, oh no, what I needed.

🙂